facing setbacks to comeback

I received a call today that rendered a gut-wrenching blow and caused me to step back and assess the question, “What’s next?”

It was a setback to my plans, but I had to be reminded that when we plan God laughs. Irony right? But it is true, because I spent years trying to ensure things went according to MY PLAN and not HIS WILL or PLAN! As I have aged over the years, I have learned to understand that setbacks are setups for a comeback. Did you get that? God’s (no, not right now) is not to be looked upon with doom, but understanding that maybe what it is you desire you are not ready to receive or he is working things out so that you can receive it. I coined the term, “delayed not denied” as a way to remind myself and help others understand that in time, what you desire will come.

These setbacks are not the end of the world even when the world feels like it is crashing down around you in chaos. But you have to center yourself and refocus. Remind yourself that you deserve to acquire all that you wish for and that lies in the hands of the creator to grant those wishes.

I prayed on my situation and decided to let it go, because if I didn’t then my setback would become a fallback (fallback into old mindsets and behavioral patterns not conducive for growth) and showing God that my fear is bigger than my faith. These two stress balls I drew from the punch bowl today were confirmation to the question I asked silently when I received the call that I thought was about to end my world and put me in a place of despair, hurt, anger, and loathing.

I reminded myself to pay attention to my senses and how this news was affecting me in the moment.  What I realized was that I was holding my breath.  This was the first ball I drew from the punch bowl - take a deep breath.  Taking a deep breath helped me to: relax, reduce stress, clear my thoughts, lower my blood pressure, and helped with my levels of anxiety and depression I was feeling.  

I have not met too many people who can remain positive all the time, especially when life is overwhelming causing us to spiral out of control.  So how does one remain positive, when “that thing” looms over causing anxiety and creating feelings of despair?  You do something positive, but initially you own the feelings you have and process through them with a “glass half full” outlook.  Being uncertain steals your joy and robs you in the moment to believe that God is working it out and you will be blessed.  Think positive - I reminded myself of this today when I drew this ball from the punch bowl to remind me of a song by The Winans featuring Anita Baker - “Ain’t no need to worry what the night is gonna bring, it’ll be all over in the morning”.

The 4 stages of coaching

Coaching has developed and matured over the past few years and many people find fulfilment because they appreciate the motivational life changes and increase in personal and professional outlook that it produces.

While coaching styles vary and differ, the foundation of coaching is often built from the same structures: Preparing, Contracting, Coaching, and Evaluating.

1. Preparing - When a new prospective client contacts a coach or a coaching organization, the appropriate first step the coach needs to is to determine the appropriate intervention needed. Most (not all) coaches also provide clinical services (counseling) in addition to coaching services which enables them to address a full spectrum of problems presented by the client. It should be noted that if a coach is not a licensed counseling professional, they should refer that client to someone who is. Once the coach has determined whether or not the client can be coached, the next step is to discuss what outcomes the client is looking for and their expectations of the coach. Gathering information in this initial phase enables the coach to establish rapport which will be built upon as the coaching sessions move forward. At this time, some coaches will discuss contract fees & payment expectations, schedules, and confidentiality and will ask if the client is ready to move forward with their coaching sessions. (For counseling in addition to/or in conjunction with coaching, these topics are discussed together). If counseling will be provided additional documents will be discussed and presented to the client before any sessions will begin.

2. Contracting - It is important that the client and coach are on the same page about what coaching is for, boundaries and expectations, duration of sessions, and how the clients success will be measured. It is important that the client communicates clearly what they want to focus on in their coaching sessions and for the coach to support their process. Both the coach and client will discuss the expected, measurable outcomes which will be discussed midway through the coaching contract and can be revised as needed in conjunction with the client. During the contracting phase it is very important for the coach to communicate clearly confidentiality and boundaries. Coaching conversations (like counseling) are confidential between the coach and the client. If a coach is also a counseling professional they are also mandated reporters and must inform their client on the stipulations in which their confidentiality can be broken without their consent. Contract logistics (duration of sessions and contract length) are finalized at this time and the client is always provided with copies.

3. Coaching - Now that all the legalities are out of the way, the real work can begin and the coaching sessions are underway. The coaching sessions will vary and are based upon the agreed upon duration and timeframes from the contract. Provisions can be made in the event a coachee requires sessions outside of the scheduled times (which is agreed upon after discussion with the coach is held and based on the nature of the need to detour from the agreed upon schedule). In the age of technology, many coaching sessions are now held via zoom, skype, phone, or teleconference. It is preferred that meetings are conducted face to face, however, having the ability to hold meetings through alternative means enables the coach to have a broader client base. Coaching assignments vary depending on what type of coaching is required, however, the typical coaching assignment is usually between 6-8 sessions although this can vary. Somewhere between the 4th or 5th session, the coach should conduct a mid-review to review the clients progress made towards their goals. This enables the opportunity for the client to share what they have learned, acknowledge the progress they’ve made and determine if they are ready to start the discharge process from coaching or recontract for new goals.

4. Evaluating - As the coaching contract comes to an end, the coach and client will discuss goal achievement (what they learned and how they will apply what they learned). The evaluation process is two-fold with the coach evaluating the clients progress and the client evaluating the coach. If the client has more goals they would like to work on, s/he can either recontract to continue or take a break and then establish a new contract for new services.

Are you ready to be coached? Contact us….

paint YOurself positively

I was invited to one of those Painting with a Twist events and my level of anxiety was so high I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I had always laughed about how I could “draw a mean stick figure”, but when it came to creating works of art I avoided it at all costs and did not think I had an artistic bone in my body. I mean the most I’d ever done was paint by numbers and even with that I didn’t do too well and in High School instead of taking art, I took shop and cooking classes. Art was my nemesis, so to think of painting anything gave me a headache.

I went to the event and when I saw what was selected for us to paint I was filled with instant dread. Coloring in between the lines made me happy and gave me a fulfilled feeling of accomplishment, but this tasks I was faced with creating gave me anxiety. Our instructor talked us through each detail of our picture and explained the brushes and colors we were using. I didn’t see and couldn’t vision how MY painting was going to turn out like hers but I was determined to ensure it would not look a hot mess.

We took a break half way through and as our instructor walked around to view what he had completed so far, I cringed when she got to my station. “I see someone used her imagination for this assignment and it looks very nice. I like how you blended our colors and added some special touches of your own”. I scoffed at her comment and thought, of course she is going to say something nice because she gets paid to do so. And as we started back up to our second session to complete these creations I heard someone say, “wow Beth that is nice, how long have you been painting”? With a puzzled look I turn and look towards the direction of the comment and wonder, “has this person been sipping something LOL”? I mumble a unenthusiastic thank you and return to my painting.

We add the finishing touches to our paintings and I start to clean up my station as it dries. When I return I see what I have created and I am excited that it actually looks good. I guess I didn’t do so bad after all I think as I chuckle. We were asked what the titles of our paintings were, and before I could answer my friend shouts out, “New Beginnings"! I sit and smile to myself while thinking, it is a new beginning. A new beginning for me to push myself past my comfort zones and test the waters of life and to enjoy it. I liked that thought and continued to look at my painting with pride.

Our instructor encouraged us to sign and date our paintings to have something positive to reflect on from this experience with her. And, as I signed my painting and smiled I leaned over to my friend and said, “this new beginning helped me to paint myself with positivity”.

So, my question to you is this - if you had a paint brush (imagery) - how would you paint yourself with positivity?

(My painting is below) Special Thank You to Jenkintown Painting with a twist instructor Genevieve

Dreams

As a child we dreamt of how we wanted our lives to be and the things we were going to acquire. As life began to imprint on us, for many of us our dreams faded and became a distant memory. But for some our dreams fueled our passions to pursue what we wanted and who we wanted to become. But what happens when we stop dreaming or believing that our dreams can come true?

The negative mind causes depression and makes one pessimistic about the world, themselves and their life. Have you ever encounter someone who never has anything good to say? Never sees positivity in anything? How does that make you feel when you leave having this encounter? Drained right? Persistent negative thinking diminishes your ability to think, reason, rationalize, and remember. Basically what you are doing is stopping yourself in believing in YOUR dreams.

Dreaming is healthy and helps you to believe that the impossible can be possible. When you were a child and you looked up to the sky, what did you do? You wished upon a star and then when you went to bed you dreamt and awakened wishing that the wonderful manifestations of your dreams would one day come true right?

Can you go back to a time when you were a child and there was nothing you were afraid to dream about? What happened that stopped you from dreaming? How long did you stop dreaming once this “thing” happened? Are you ready to dream again? Can you trust yourself to dream?

When I was younger I dreamed about so much and I can honestly say that most of it I have done and still have yet to do. However, in my dreams I also had signs or warnings that were informing me of things to come that were not going to be good or in my best interest. We call those nightmares, but I still call them dreams. Why? Because they are dreams of struggles and obstacles that we want to address and overcome but are afraid to.

I want you to believe that you can dream again and be positive about the outcomes of your dreams and what you want in your life and for your life. Tap into the little girl and boy inside of you and dream the impossible to be possible. They say that life and death is spoken with the power of the tongue. Well, I want you to speak your dreams out loud and put the power behind them to become true.

I went to Disney World with my children, and when night grew everyone was anticipating when the castle would light up, Jiminy Cricket would sing his song, “When you wish upon a star” and the little girl/boy in us looked to see Tinker Bell as she glided across the wires flittering in the night sky and we dreamed, we hoped, we laughed and we remembered dreams of what we could be.

I dare you to DREAM….

are you inspired?

Throughout this course of life we will have numerous things, people, situations that will inspire us. But how long does this inspiration last? How can you inspire yourself to take the risks, ask for what you want and go for it? Do you wait for someone else to cheer you on before you become inspired to take action on the thing(s) that will give you fulfilment in and with life? It may sound easy however, having inspiration and maintaining that is an on-going task you should challenge yourself to do everyday. Write your inspirations in a journal and read them daily, weekly, or monthly. Are you accomplishing any of your goals? If not why? Would you believe if I told you that at one point in my life NOTHING could inspire me.

Let’s define what inspiration means and then you determine for yourself if you are inspired or if anything/anyone gives you inspiration.

According to Dictionary.com (2023), inspiration is the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. It is a feeling of enthusiasm you get from someone or something that gives you new and creative ideas.

Now that it has been defined, ask yourself this question what inspires me?

As I mentioned above, there was a time when nothing could inspire me. Why is that? I did not feel that I had any talents that would be worth exploring thus I was not inspired to do anything.

I asked a young man what inspires him. His answer was my family, my freedom of being able to do whatever I want, when I want, my girlfriend inspires me. My inspirational creativity comes from being a child growing up in a suburban area without being ostracized for my style and taste. Thus it caused me to come up with my own brand of clothing. Nature inspires me - the animals and the colors of nature which are inspirational because I like to see the beauty in the world. - Kesean Dyson (St. Francis University)/Owner of the clothing brand The Style of Independence.

As you can see inspiration can come in all forms to include nature. My inspiration for S.H.E. came from wanting to help people to dream and believe again. When I lacked inspiration is was because I was allowing the negativity of the world to stop my dreams and stunt my creative thoughts. I found myself comparing other’s successes to my own and it caused feelings of inferiority (especially if that person was younger).

The pandemic inspired many who dreamed of becoming business owners to pursue entrepreneurship. As a result many brought to life their creative sides that they once only dreamed about. I became inspired after a session I held with a client whom had been in treatment for about 6 months with me and was working on the internal roadblocks that prevented him from moving past his fears.

During this session he said to me, “you inspired me to believe in myself, my talents, and my ability. I have done the work and it was hard but it was worth it. His statement inspired me to want to do more, to help more, and mostly to become more.

Whenever I had doubts or fears tried to creep in, I thought back to that session and allowed it to inspire me to remember my dreams, write down my goals, and take the steps to bring forth my vision.

Since then I have been inspired by much and it is the little things that inspire me (i.e. listening to birds sing, playing with my dogs, spending time with my children and sowing into their dreams so that they can be and continue to be) inspired.

what motivates you?

It all begins with an idea. Being self-motivated to pursue your dreams is never an easy task to start or stay the course with. From personal experience, I have dreamed about my talents but never thought that they could come to fruition. I sat silently on the sidelines cheering on my family and friends as they pursued their dreams of entrepreneurship and kept saying to myself, “one day”.

That day happened in 2022 while finishing the first of a trilogy of books that I intend to publish, and while listening to a motivational speech it hit me to start my journey to bring my dream and vision to reality. But the question lingered and began to instill doubt and fear that I could do this, “where do I start, how do I start, when do I start”? I was sabotaging all the positive thoughts with negative thinking and that negativity caused me to step back numerous times. I’d asked for help and guidance in the direction of becoming a business owner and received minimal to none. However, being determined to live out my truest dream I began to research what I needed to do and the steps to get it done. I printed off “how to” guides and took my first step to pursuing my dream.

As I progressed through my different processes, I had numerous set backs. Those set backs forced me to write down the question listed above, “What Motivates You”? It didn’t take me long to answer this question, because the answer was fueled from a passion to help people. To help people tap into their potential, to remove negative mental roadblocks that hinder them from believing they can live their dreams and remove all of life’s “labels” affixed to them about who they should be, what they should have etc.

But before I could embark on my passionate journey to help other’s, I had to do the difficult work of helping the most important person who was struggling and tumbling through life, landing in and out of situations, and who had resorted to co-existing in life on auto pilot, devoid of human emotions. I had to start with me, so I turned the mirror around and challenged myself to do the very thing I challenged my clients to. As I looked in the mirror I took notice at; do I look AT myself, PAST myself, or THROUGH myself. My observation was that I looked PAST myself because I did not want to look into my vacant eyes and see the pain I was carrying inside these soulless windows. “What motivates you”? I asked myself this over a thousand times, and how can you motivate others when you cannot motivate you to GO through and GROW through your painful process and evolve into the person you desire to become. What motivates you? What motivated me were my children and my dog (my Queen). They were my What and Why, however it was all External. What motivates you? The internal was lacking, so I sat down and began to journal.

What motivates you? When you are tasked with taking an internal look at who you are (really are), it can be (at times) depressing. Why? Because often what motivates us is external and we operate from that premise so much we lose sight on what WE internally are motivated by. Unlocking the internal doors in my mental, emotional and spiritual house was a daunting task (yes I use a lot of metaphors, lol), but just as we declutter our physical space, we must also declutter our mental, emotional, and spiritual space. What motivates you?

It took me almost a year to be able to fully answer this question. Through the work I completed incorporating the two Cs I live by (coaching and counseling), I answered PART of the question. I still continue to ask myself this question everyday, and some days the answer is different. However, the core answer remains the same. What motivates you? - ME